Mildred and I are seated at a table in a corner of The Booze Stand. She’s ordered a glass of water for herself and a small glass of whiskey for me. Liam’s father is at the bar preparing drinks and his mother is walking around attending to other customers and cleaning tables and chairs. Liam himself is nowhere in sight, but that’s probably for the best. My name didn’t seem to ring any bells for his parents, but it really wouldn’t surprise me if Liam’s vented to them about some of my more “disagreeable” behavior and probably just referred to me as “some guy from work”. If he were to recognize me sitting here with Mildred…it could cause some issues.
“…How long have you been keeping that gun in the store?”
While the territories have a reputation for being dangerous, I feel this is an exaggeration based off of some really awful territories out there. I’ve personally never felt the need to own a gun. The only time I’ve ever truly felt “unsafe” growing up in the territory I’m in was that one time with the homeless man. Ultimately, that just taught me to avoid hanging around homeless people. Theoretically, I could be convinced to purchase a gun to protect myself from PearlCoin goons, but the problem with that is that shooting and killing a member of any cryptocurrency group, regardless of how justified it is, just puts a lifelong target on your back.
“Ever since I first opened the store. Hell, I’ve been carrying guns since I was able to when I arrived in the territories. My husband also carries guns, and we’ve educated our daughters on proper gun use. We’ve also trained them on how to properly stab someone with a knife, and I even made sure they always went to school with pepper spray just in case any boys were getting too handsy.”
…Huh, I never really took Mildred as a gun nut, so this is somewhat surprising. The keyword here being “somewhat”.
“I know all weapons were illegal to own in LOVE, but I can’t help but feel like you’re overcompensating a bit.”
LOVE strictly forbids the possession of any weapons whatsoever. These restrictions go far beyond guns though. A few other laws that come to mind are that it’s illegal to carry a kitchen knife outside a kitchen, all toy weapons must be as unrealistic looking as possible, and even attacking someone in self-defense is illegal.
“Not really. I was almost kidnapped my first week in the territories, and by sheer luck I managed to get saved by a man with a shotgun…Well, I can’t say I was fan of how he shot to kill but…He did save me.”
Mildred looks into her glass of water while reminiscing, presumably recollecting the gory details of the event.
“…I know this is one of the safer territories out there, but is it really that surprising for me to want myself and my family to protect themselves?”
“I’m not saying you’re wrong for wanting to defend your family…but it just seems like a bit much.”
Admittedly, I have zero experience with guns and that general sort of thing. I’ve never even been in so much as a fist fight before.
“Hmm, I don’t agree with that. Look, I get that growing up in a safer territory like here can make one question the necessity of weapons, but if there’s one thing life’s taught me, it’s that you can never trust things to stay the same forever. If I were to travel back in time back to when I was I dunno…twelve, and told my twelve year old self that in the year 2030, not only was the old world going to die and split in a dramatic fashion, the very neighborhood I grew up in was going to be part of an oppressive state, and that my so-called ‘anti-authoritarian’ parents were going to happily kneel and support said oppressive state, I know how twelve year old me would react. She’d laugh her ass off because it sounds too absurd to be true! Well, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. My parents weren’t the anti-authoritarians I saw them as a child; they were just bitter miserable shits who based their morals over what they think will piss off their parents!”
Mildred takes a big angry gulp of her water.
“…Phew…You don’t need to hear me rant about my parents again, they’re dead now and that’s all that matters. Anytime I come across some atheist who waxes poetically about how much of an intelligent skeptic they are for not believing in God, all that comes to mind is how my atheist parents grew to love and religiously worship the government of LOVE. They took all that bullshit about the ‘spores’ completely seriously and even punished me harshly if I so much as questioned any of the new restrictions and laws revolving around ‘the spores’. I lost friends for daring to point out the obvious holes in all the government claims about the ‘spores’. I became a pariah for having the guts to openly say that the emperor was naked. For all I’ve had to go through in life, it’s taught me one important thing. You really can’t trust most people even if you’ve known them your whole life.”
She takes another big gulp of water and begins to cough loudly.
“A-Ack! …Went down the wrong hole.”
Mildred coughs a few more times before getting back to normal.
“…Look, the point is, my life experiences have made me real concerned about safety.”
Mildred lays her head on the table and sighs. Despite only drinking water, she has the appearance of a miserable drunk drowning her sorrows.
“…Have you never used a gun before Gray?”
“No, never. Unless you want to count me handling some random hunting rifles at a friend’s house during middle school.”
“What about knives?”
“Only kitchen knives and only for their intended purpose.”
She looks at me like I’m an alien from another world.
“I just don’t get how someone can grow up in the territories and not understand the importance of protecting themselves.”
“Well, I was raised by parents who are Outside LOVERS for one. That and this is one of the safer territories out there.”
This is an answer that would placate most people, but not for Mildred it seems.
“…Really? You’ve never felt the urge to even just shoot empty cans with friends?”
“That’s a thing people do? None of the gun owners I’ve known in my life ever did that.”
Frankly it sounds like an old people thing, but that’s rude to say so I keep that thought to myself.
“Well, it was a thing in the town I was living in during my 20s.”
Like I said, old people thing.
“This is kind of a problem though…”
Mildred rubs her finger against the now empty glass of water.
“I’m not an idiot, I know I’m old. I’m actually planning on retiring from running the shop in the next year or so, and I don’t want the store to end with me.”
I don’t know what that has to do with guns, but it’s probably best not to interrupt her. I decide to take a drink of my whiskey.
“I need to find a replacement to run the store for me and uh…I was thinking that I could make you my replacement. But see, part of running store is knowing how to use a gun in case of situations like that dumbass who came in.”
I almost spit out my whiskey. She wants me to take over the store after she retires? Is this a joke?
“H-Hang on, what’s this about me running the store?”
“I don’t see why you’re so shocked. You’re the most punctual employee, you’re good at keeping the store clean and shelves stocked, and you share a mutual interest in collecting this stuff. The only real issue I have with you is that your social skills could use some work…and now your lack of interest in using guns is another one. I’m a firm believer in security and I need my replacement to be the same in that regard.”
“Is it really that important for the store to have a gun?”
“You’re still asking that after you were shaking in fear from that prankster kid? That dipshit’s not the only time someone’s tried to rob the store, but he’s the only time they tried to play it off like a prank. If that scared you, you’d be shitting your pants around a real robber.”
Mildred puts a hand to her chin as she thinks some more.
“…Look, you’re not the only candidate out there Gray. I just like you a lot and feel like making you take over the store could help give you some direction in your life. But I may have to rescind on that offer if the gun thing is too much for you.”
Mildred leans back in her chair while thinking some more. Am I really the kind of person who could run a store? Personally, I’d say no, especially when Mildred’s main reasons for considering me are “I like you a lot” and “it could give you some direction in life.”
“…Well, I’m gonna head back home now. I’ve already paid for the drinks, so you don’t need to worry about that. See you later Gray.”
Mildred gets up from the table and walks out of the bar, leaving me alone. Unless you want to count the bar patrons and Liam’s parents…Ugh, what if Liam shows up and recognizes me? With that thought I decide to gulp down the rest of my whiskey and leave the bar. It’s not enough to get me drunk, so I should be fine.
The next morning goes by uneventfully. Now that April Fool’s Day is over, the internet is useable again and I don’t have to fear random strangers in the street. While nothing interesting happened in the morning, I did notice that Mildred sent me an email.
“Hey Gray, I just got an idea. I’ve got an expedition coming up in a few days, why don’t you come join me? Not only can I show you my usual expedition route, I can even teach you a thing or two about handling a gun! You will be away from your apartment for a day, but I’ve got a small house I own out back that we can sleep in. This could be a good way for you to see what responsibilities you’d have if you were to take on my role. Don’t forget to pack your PJs and toothbrush!”
Don’t end your email like I already agreed to join you. Why does looking for random crap have to take an entire day anyways? But whatever, I’ll think about it. Maybe. I can talk about it more with her at work tonight. I decide to browse pursuitspecial to see if there’s anything interesting going on. Not much is going on, but there’s apparently been some rumors of a possible future bombing attack on LOVE that will totally be the beginning of WWIII. For what reason the posters don’t say, which makes me think these rumors are bogus.
People love to theorize about the possible beginning of WWIII and total nuclear fallout destroying the human race. They’ve been doing this long even before the old world broke off, and it’s always ridiculous every time. Even the most malicious leaders of LOVE know how idiotic it’d be to drop a nuclear bomb anywhere on the planet, even against HOME, as it would royally piss off even the most devout LOVERs out there. The people who get excited about these dumbass nuclear WWIII are just delusional larpers who watch too many post-apocalyptic movies.
Nothing else worth noting occurs during the rest of the day. Honestly, after that prank robber from last night, it’s probably for the best that today’s rather boring. Things are slightly more busy compared to yesterday, but nothing all that special. Just the typical Saturday night number of customers coming in. Tonight it’s me, Mildred, and Liam. It seems to be I’m no longer allowed to work with him alone.
“…So, do you wanna join me?”
Mildred calls out to me during a slower time of the shift while I’m restocking shelves. She’s obviously referring to the email from earlier.
“I dunno. I doubt I’m gonna take over the store after you, so it seems pointless.”
I don’t understand why she’s pushing this on me.
“Look Gray, even if you don’t end up taking over the store, this is a good opportunity for you to leave your house, make some new connections, and learn some new skills.”
“By ‘learn new skills’, you mean learning to shoot a gun, right?”
“Sure, that’s one of them. There’s also learning how to spot collector’s items, how to clean old game consoles and old game discs, how to keep items in storage, hell I may even teach you how to ride the motorbike if you want.”
Well, I guess I’m not entirely opposed to learning all those things. It just all sounds like such a pain in the ass, especially the “making new connections” part.
“Do I really need to make friends with your friends? I’m not a businessman; there’s no need for me to make connections.”
Mildred sighs before continuing.
“It’s always a good idea to make connections regardless of if you’re a businessman or not. You don’t have to be close friends with your connections; they just need to like you enough to do favors for you. You’d understand that if you were more socially adept.”
“I think I’m perfectly socially adept enough, I don’t need to be friendly with random people I don’t give a shit about because those vague connections might help me out someday.”
“PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF”
Liam suddenly starts snickering to himself while dusting the front counter. Evidently, he’s been listening to our conversation.
“Hee hee hee…You seriously think you’re socially adept? Ghhh—I-I’m sorry, I need to use the bathroom.”
Liam poorly hides his laughter with his hands as he walks towards the store’s restroom. A few seconds after the door closes, the sound of loud laughter can be faintly heard through the walls.
“…Look Gray, I’m not gonna force you to come with me, but I do think it’d be really good for you to. Give me your final answer before next Friday.”
Mildred’s not being super pushy about something for once, and that’s actually making me consider her offer. But I dunno, an entire day out with my boss and then I’ll be staying at a random house that she owns. Granted, Mildred really isn’t the typical boss, but I’m pretty sure something like this would still be frowned upon in the old world. But then again, if I did choose to not go with her, well…It’s not like I have anything else planned.
The rest of my shift goes by without anything further interesting occurring. During my walk home I stop in front of the pharmacy, a place filled with memories for me. There are good drugs and bad drugs in this world. How one categorizes which drugs are “good” and which drugs are “bad” is usually a mixture of objective fact and subjective opinion. Governments of the old world would generally dictate to the public over what the “good drugs” and the “bad drugs” were. In a world with no government, the question of “good drugs” and “bad drugs” becomes a lot more subjective. And the pharmacy here sells plenty of drugs, both the “good” and “bad” kind.
This store was where my school friends and I would get our supply of drugs during high school. The best drugs are the ones that make you forget everything awful and either help you enjoy the moment or take you away to a different world. Which sounds profound, but what this means in execution is that me and my high school friends would do really dumb shit while tripping. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, movies are better with LSD, every song you listen to on Molly is the best song you’ve ever heard, and magic mushrooms make the world look so much more beautiful. Then there’s stuff like ketamine and DMT, which take you to a whole new world. At least that’s what it feels like.
My decision to stop doing drugs wasn’t really based off of any real moral guilt or disgust with myself, it was a variety of things. Out of all the drugs I did, Molly was the one I did the least because well, it’s a bad idea to do Molly frequently and the hangovers were the worst. It’s one thing to wake up feeling sick to my stomach after a night of drinking, and another thing to wake up feeling suicidally depressed because of how much my serotonin levels had been fucked with the night before. While I had my best trips on ketamine, I could never bring myself to do it too often thanks to a classmate of mine who was an addict who suffered from K-cramps and painful bloody urination. Honestly, I could theoretically get back into doing magic mushrooms and LSD again no problem, as those drugs are so mild and hard to overdose on that I question why they were ever illegal in old world governments.
But what really made me want to stop doing drugs was when I had a bad trip on DMT. DMT is an intense drug, which means that good trips are amazing and bad trips feel like you’re literal in Hell. The fact that DMT seems to have its own universe of unique entities that you can visit during a trip only adds to that. Machine Elves, Mantids, Jesters, and Gatekeepers are the ones that I know I’ve come across in my DMT journeys. It’s enough to make one question the world, think about the possibility of other worlds existing, and how much drugs influenced the creation of certain religions. The point is, while it’s fun to do DMT, you really don’t want to have a bad trip on it either. And the bad trip itself…honestly isn’t as fantastical as the general description of DMT would make one think.
It was just a typical night with my ex and we decided to smoke some DMT before going to bed, and I don’t know what the issue was. Maybe I was in the wrong mindset, maybe the wrong music was playing, maybe it’s because I was lying down instead of sitting, but things went wrong. And what went wrong exactly was…everything turned into nothing. The couch I was lying on, the living room, my ex, the apartment, the entire world turned to nothing. There were no entities, I couldn’t see nor hear anything. It was just endless darkness with none of my senses working that made me terrified that I was dying. While I was only out for six minutes, it felt like I was trapped in this empty darkness for hours. When I came too, my ex told me that I wouldn’t stop freaking out about dying.
I used drugs as a way to escape from my problems in life, and the idea that said escape could turn against me had a profound impact on me. I guess you could say I decided to throw out the baby with the bathwater when I made the decision to quit any drugs harder than alcohol. Honestly, it was probably a bad idea looking back. I kept getting into arguments with my ex because it turns out we had a lot more differences with each other than previously thought. And eventually, those arguments would lead to a breakup that I thought came out of nowhere back then, but looking back was probably always going to happen. Thinking about it more, I’d say me and my ex really had nothing in common beyond the fact that we both liked drugs and hated our parents.
Author’s Note: This arc’s delving into some touchy subjects, which is giving me somewhat of a challenge. I recall my personal notes for the earlier scene in the bar to be more argumentative, and I’m actually kinda glad that I decided to not go in that direction. Again, I have no idea if I’m doing any of these touchy subjects any justice. But my goal is to portray ideologies more so than anything else. And again, I don’t even know if anyone reads this.
