*Vrrrrrrrrrr*
“Nnn…Mnnn…!”
Now that the all the drama of the day had FINALLY been dealt with, Eve went up to her room and began masturbating to her perverted eroge. There are two types of eroge players in the world, those who play eroge for the stories, and those who play eroge for the fap material. Eve tends to take a little from column A and a little from column B in that regard.
On her computer, she has two folders dedicated to eroge, one for the story based games, and another for the ones she brings out the vibrator for. Now a game with a title like “Shouben Shounen” is obviously one for the second folder. Eve isn’t a fujoshi, she hates the traditional “yaoi art style” and hates pretty much every single ship that’s popular with fujoshi. However, Eve does have some kinks regarding males that if she encounters an eroge that caters to those kinks, and the art style isn’t the “fujoshi trash style” (Her words), said eroge will be thrown into the fap folder immediately.
The eroge in question is a kinetic novel type of deal, and is a collection of short stories featuring cute school boys and their urination related issues. It’s a short game that’s easily beatable in less than five hours, and just perfect for a horny femcel who needs a quick orgasm.
“A-Ahhhh!”
Eve’s body shakes and jerks as her orgasm occurs. She sinks into her desk chair with a content smile forming on her face. Who needs real men when you’ve got eroge? Now that she had successfully orgasmed, Eve was now drained of sexual desire and decided to move on to other things.
Namely, she wants to learn more about magic and magic users. Magic users live in separate societies from the normies so encounters between the two groups are rare and even then, magic users never publicly announce themselves as such meaning the normies aren’t aware when they’ve come across a magic user. This also makes it difficult to do proper research on magicology if one isn’t a magic user as one of the many, many, rules that magic users must live by is that they are to never share knowledge about magic with normies ever. Even trying to post said information on the internet anonymously will cause issues and legal action against the websites.
Now there are settlements where disfellowshipped magic users live, but they tend to keep to themselves as they’re either at the risk of having an assassin sent to kill them or are already hiding from said assassin. These magic users theoretically aren’t against being friendly with normies, but it’s far too risky for them to do so. This means that the best way for Eve to try and learn about her newfound magic powers, she would need to track down a settlement of disfellowshipped magic users and then put in the time to earn their trust. All of which is way too much effort for someone like Eve.
“…So, I can’t learn magic then.”
Eve gave up after realizing what her task would require from her. While she may hate men, that doesn’t mean she’s very good with women either. Frankly speaking Buffy is the only person in Eve’s life that she can honestly refer to as a “friend”. So instead of doing something productive, Eve decided to head to bed. It was getting pretty late after all.
The next morning Eve is woken up by an excited Satan’s Little Helper, who’s jumped on her bed and was excitedly…licking her? At least trying too, but he has no tongue, but his boney little paws pouncing on her were enough to get her to wake up.
“U-Ughh…What time is it?”
Eve looks over at her clock to see that it’s only 7:30 AM. She doesn’t have work today and even on days she has work, Eve never has to wake up this early. Unlike Buffy who works as a receptionist for a local dentist office. She peers into Eve’s bedroom already dressed for work and tying her hair up.
“Awww, he likes you!”
Buffy smiles, not caring to note how irritated Eve is with having been woken up far earlier than usual.
“I’m gonna be heading off to work soon. Make sure Mavet and Satan don’t get up to any trouble!”
Buffy walks away from the room and Satan’s Little Helper jumps off of Eve to follow Buffy with the door closing soon after. Eve takes that moment to fall back asleep for another few hours. It isn’t until 9:45 that Eve finally wakes up for real. Eve heads downstairs to see that Mavet’s in the kitchen and has already prepared breakfast.
“Hey. Buffy told me that I need to make breakfast, so I made you some cheese omelets with bacon and toast. You better like it.”
Mavet is clearly not happy about having to perform menial tasks like this, but she really has no one to blame but herself for her situation. Eve sits down and takes a large bite of her omelet.
“…Huh, not bad.”
It turns out that despite all of her faults and failures in life, Mavet is actually a pretty good cook. It’s just that no one in the underworld appreciates the culinary arts, so it was yet another aspect of hers that was looked down on and mocked.
“O-Oh you like it?”
And it’s because of that Eve’s half-hearted compliment struck a chord with Mavet. Maybe being friends with these overworlders wouldn’t be so bad.
“…But I didn’t know you reaper people ate. I kinda just assumed you fed off the souls of the dead, but-“
Eve then went to ruin Mavet’s good feelings with her deeply offensive comment, causing Mavet to throw the kitchen apron she was wearing in Eve’s face.
“Y-You racist overworlder! Have you no shame!?”
Mavet proceeds to angrily goose step out of the kitchen, leaving Eve alone with Satan’s Little Helper, whose begging for table scraps. Eve doesn’t feel remorse, just confusion.
“…You still have to clean the kitchen you know!”
Eve calls out to Mavet in the living room, and Mavet immediately retorts back.
“What part of being friends with you two means I have to do all the cooking and cleaning!? I may have never had any real friends in my existence, but even I know friends don’t treat each other like servants!”
She has a point, but Eve really likes the idea of having a free personal chef and maid combo in the house and doesn’t want to let this opportunity go to waste.
“…Yeah, but you did permanently change our lives by unnecessarily killing us and giving us magic powers that we can’t even use. And besides, wasn’t everyone in the courtroom shocked by how kind and gentle our ‘punishment’ for you was? Apparently, you got off easy by underworld customs.”
Satan’s Little Helper tip taps his way over to Mavet, trying to reach for the phone in her cloak. But Mavet starts fighting with him over it.
“W-What are you doing!? No, don’t call Miriam again! I don’t need her to hear what the flat chested human just said! …Ugh, fine I get it!”
And so, Reaper Mavet accepted her new role as not only Eve and Buffy’s new friend, but their new chef and housekeeper as well.
Meanwhile Buffy was diligently doing her job at the dentist office…whenever someone calls or a patient arrives. But those are all short conversations that rarely take too long, so she’s usually spending her time at work watching Boobtube videos and chatting with co-workers. It’s not hard work, but Buffy gets paid a livable wage to sit on her ass for eight hours a day, so she can’t complain too much. It’s been a pretty typical workday for Buffy, however something strange occurred at around eleven in the morning.
“Hello, I have an appointment with Dr. Gingervitis today.”
A normal looking woman comes up to the desk. Buffy recognizes her but something feels off. She doesn’t know why, but Buffy can feel…”something” radiating off of this woman that she never did before. Like an aura.
(…Is this the result of magic?)
The woman glances at Buffy for a brief second which makes her jump up a bit.
“O-Oh yes! Are you here for a checkup Mrs. Smith?”
Buffy does her best to swallow her nerves and gets Mrs. Smith all checked in. She can’t let her uncomfortable feelings get in the way of doing her job. Once Mrs. Smith has sat down at a chair in the waiting room, Buffy hastily gets her cellphone out and sends a quick text message to Mavet.
Is it possible for magic users to detect each other? I think that just happened to me!
Buffy sends her text out hoping to get a reply soon. Until Mavet replies, the most Buffy can do is continue to act normal and pretend that nothing strange is going on. She decides to watch some cute kitten videos on Boobtube to calm herself down. Mrs. Smith is soon called in by the dentist, which makes Buffy relax a little, but she still feels nervous due to Mavet not sending a text back yet.
It only gets worse as Mrs. Smith finishes her appointment with the dentist and leaves the office, but not without another glance back at Buffy. There’s still no text message from Mavet, and the cute kitten videos aren’t helping. Buffy tried to switch to dog grooming videos next, but those still didn’t help.
Finally, three hours after Buffy had sent the text, she finally got a reply back from Mavet.
It seems like you’ve encountered another magic user. Magic users can detect other magic users. It shouldn’t be too big of a deal unless you already know that person.
Buffy’s anxiety increases. Mrs. Smith may not be a close friend, but she is a regular at this particular dentist office, and Buffy has seen her at least once before. But then again, she only comes in every six months or so for dental checkups, so maybe it’s not that big a deal? Still, Buffy can’t help but worry, and no amount of wholesome animal videos will alleviate her anxiety.
“What’s going on Buffy? You seem out of it?”
One of Buffy’s co-workers taps her on the shoulder with a concerned look on her face.
“O-Oh it’s nothing…I just had a breakup is all.”
While that is true, Buffy is professional enough to not let her negative feelings show when at work. For her anxiety to be noticeable by a co-worker is unusual for Buffy.
“Oh, that sucks, what happened?”
Thankfully, the co-worker suspects nothing, and Buffy was able to have a small venting session about Tyler, which calmed her down somewhat. But not all the way. Buffy still has three more hours of work, and three more hours to stew in her own nerves and anxiety.
Eve’s day was far more relaxed due to it being a day off. She found herself in the mood to play some eroge. Specifically, she wanted to play one of her story based games. When it comes to story based eroge, Eve has somewhat unusual taste for a woman. She’s not into yaoi or otome games, rather she’s a fan of bishoujo games.
It might seem strange for a misandrist to like eroge targeted towards men but there is logic to Eve’s tastes. She hates the idea of romancing men, wants to romance cute girls, and is willing to do so in the mind of a male protagonist. And hey, sometimes she’ll play a yuri game where she be a cute girl romancing other cute girls, which is even better! Most importantly, she can openly admit to liking these kinds of games to others, unlike the games in her fap folder.
Eve scrolled through her story based eroge she had torrented off the internet. She eventually settled on a classic, Pachelbel. An old but famous nakige, considered one the earliest of the genre. It’s been mostly forgotten by modern day eroge fans, but Eve is always down for cherishing the classics and feeling nostalgic she booted up the game.
Well, more accurately, she had to boot up a virtual machine based off an older version of her OS and then boot up the game. This is because that while there is a modern updated version of the game, it removed the H-scenes of the game, and Eve wasn’t going to put up with that. It didn’t matter if the sex scenes in Pachelbel were terrible, the ero part of eroge is non-negotiable for Eve.
Thus, Eve spent her day indulging herself in the snowy world of Pachelbel. Well, at least that’s how she wanted to spend her day until Mavet opened Eve’s bedroom door and walked right in.
“I’m bored, what’re you doing?”
Mavet didn’t have any people to kill that day and had been spending her time cleaning the house. She tried to watch some TV after she was finished, but nothing good was on so she went upstairs to Eve’s bedroom to see if she was doing something interesting. Eve was of course annoyed to have her eroge gaming session interrupted. Mavet peers over Eve’s computer screen and grimaced.
“…Eugh, what the hell are you playing? ‘Attack of the Bug Eyed Waifu Blobs’?”
Pachelbel is a classic of eroge, but it is an older eroge. Which means that the average shitty internet critic would say that its “aged poorly” for not having the feel and look of a modern day eroge. The most notable aspect of Pachelbel’s age is its art style. It’s an art style that’s appealing to fans of Moè-esque anime art. But to those who aren’t well…the characters all look like bug eyed waifu blobs. But Eve isn’t a shitty internet critic, she’s an eroge fan of taste, so she took great offense to Mavet’s disgusting comment.
“How dare you insult Hinokawa Itako’s character designs! She’s an important figure in classic eroge and her endearing character designs have left a far stronger impact on the world then your pathetic existence ever will!”
Eve is very passionate about eroge, mostly because she has no one to talk to about it in real life. But unfortunately for Eve, her words aren’t having much of an effect on Mavet. It doesn’t help that all Mavet can see is a small game screen, the sprite for the main heroine Tsukimura Aya, and the text box reading “Aguuuuu~”.
“…The hell does ‘Aguuuuu’ mean? Is this ‘Aya’ supposed to be mentally retarded?”
Mavet’s comments only work to anger Eve more.
“It’s Aya-chan’s verbal tic! It’s part of what makes her cute and endearing! Part of what makes a top-tier nakige is having loveable heroines who you fall in love with in order to make the tear jerking moments all the more powerful!”
Mavet is both slightly uncomfortable and disgusted by Eve’s burst of emotion and passion. To Mavet, these are just porn games for gross neckbeards who can’t get laid to jerk off too. And well, Eve may not be a gross neckbeard, but she is a kissless handholdless virgin. And while she may hate men, she still has sexual urges that eroge happily satisfies. Granted she doesn’t masturbate to the bishoujo games, but that’s not the point.
“You know what, since you have to be my friend, that means you need to get into eroge too! So, you’re gonna sit here and watch me play a route of Pachelbel! And I don’t want to hear a peep from you until it’s done!”
Mavet rolls her smoky eyes at the suggestion.
“…Why do you want me to watch you play your shitty anime porn game so bad-“
Eve grabs onto Mavet’s cloak with a devious look on her face.
“Oh? Do you want me to get Satan’s Little Helper to call Reaper Miriam and tell her how you’re failing at being a friend?”
Eve’s never been one to be manipulative towards others but Mavet’s dismissive attitude towards her beloved eroge has irked her enough to make her indulge in such behavior. Mavet is deeply upset about being threatened with punishment from Miriam, so she has no choice but to stay.
“F-Fine, you bitch…”
So Mavet stood by Eve and the two of them spent the day going through a route of Pachelbel. The route that Eve and Mavet went through was of Eve’s personal favorite heroine Mikoto. A brash girl with scruffy hair who lives in a cardboard box whose introduction scene involved her biting the protagonist while shouting that’d she’d never forgive him.
As the route progresses, the protagonist takes pity on her and lets her live with him. It’s eventually revealed that she’s a stray dog the protagonist used to play with as a child before moving and that while dying on the streets, she made a wish that she could become human and see the boy who played with her again. This revelation leads to an incredibly awkward love making scene.
“…So, he’s fucking a dog. This was liked enough to get multiple console ports, re-releases, and two anime adaptations?”
Mavet was able to act cordially enough during the playthrough, but it was during this sex scene that she finally had to say something, and Eve wasn’t happy at all.
“She’s not a dog in the moment! She turned into a human! Get your mind out of the gutter!”
“What do you mean ‘get your mind in the gutter’? She may have turned human, but she’s still a dog so he’s fucking a dog!”
“She’s not still dog and therefore he’s not fucking a dog! I told you, she turned into a girl, so sex with her is like sex with any other human being! Stop trying to make this sweet story filthy!”
“You’re seriously gonna try and claim that this isn’t filthy when there’s a picture of her taking the MC’s cock in her mouth on the screen!?”
This led to an argument between Eve and Mavet, and more would soon come. Despite that, the playthrough of the route was otherwise peaceful. Incidentally this whole Pachelbel situation is the main reason why it took Mavet such a long time to respond to Buffy’s text message. Mavet’s not one to really pay attention to her phone, and she only just noticed Buffy’s text message while getting some snacks during a break. Mavet was of course completely unaware of Buffy’s anxiety and fear, but even if she was, she most likely would’ve told Buffy that it’s not a big deal. Only the highest ranking magic users would take note of random normies developing magic, and those magic users never interact with normies in daily life.
Author’s Note: I’m slowly getting the world and characters figured out for this series. Another thing I’m trying to get worked out is the tone. This is going to be a mostly goofy and comedic series, but that doesn’t mean my characters should be flat and lifeless either. I think I’m succeeding somewhat? Oh well, the parody of {REDACTED} I came up with was fairly amusing, at least to me. So that’s something.
